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It’s important to have boundaries. I don’t mean boundaries as a feedist couple within our relationship or going outside of our comfort zone, like safe words or not exploring different elements of feedism, although they are important too. Boundaries regarding weight goals and general health could sound counterintuitive and controversial to an uneducated person’s idea of what feedism is, for example the people who think that what many feedist relationships consist of are an over indulgent force-fed 600lb slob sitting on the sofa whilst a desperately thin and ill looking enabler dutifully pushes food down their throat. You know, the kind of toxic, abuse riddled relationships which are often portrayed on shows like My 600lb Life, or 1000lb Sisters.

However, that’s not the case for 90% of feedists. I mean, there’s absolutely the odd couple of people who want to push weight gain to the limits with the end goal being complete immobility, but like many other feedist couples R and I have set targets for his size and weight. Alongside that, we also have agreements relating to his gaining, such as regular Dr appointments to keep an eye on his health.

R wants to get to 250lbs which is the start of obesity for someone of his height. He is currently at just over 230lbs, but you wouldn’t know it just from looking at him. His height and body build makes his weight less noticeable. As a former athlete, he’s had to work hard to break down a very fast metabolism.

In his late teens and early twenties, before we met, he used to run half marathons, work out in the gym 3 or 4 times a week as well as playing and training for regular cricket matches. His fitness was incredibly important to keep up such an active lifestyle, and is still very important as he continues to play cricket and work out in the gym as well as enjoy a recently found love of rugby goal kicking.

We are both very active people and I think that makes the feedist element of our relationship a bit easier. Neither one of us would ever want to compromise doing what we love by pushing his body to the point where he can no longer enjoy his hobbies and we can no longer do activities together. The goal is to create a body type which R feels comfortable in and can still run, jump, throw, kick, lift weights etc.

Along with the regular Dr’s appointments to do general check ups of his blood pressure, cholesterol, and make sure he isn’t developing diabetes, heart disease, kidney failure (basically all the scary stuff), we have also discussed boundaries regarding weight gain for our future. We agreed that if anything flagged up at any one of the appointments which negatively impacts his health he would immediately lose some of the weight to get down to a healthy size and restore his fitness. We both know his health comes before anything else and needs to be prioritised.

One of the things that concerned me when he first told me he was a feedee was the idea that if we have a family he wouldn’t be able to be an active parent. We both want to be parents in our early 30s so that we still have the energy to run around after small people, but so we also get to enjoy our 20s and build careers to become a stable unit. We agreed that when the time comes that we’re ready to start a family, R will gradually lose some of the weight so that he can be an involved parent and can participate in family activities without the impacts of breathlessness or fatigue.

It was very important to me that we establish those boundaries early on in our journey of feedism. I’ve mentioned before that we have a very honest and trusting relationship which makes it easy to have these types of conversations. I understand I’m in a unique and privileged position with R. Knowing that we will always have one another’s backs and will always be able to talk about the more difficult stuff without any feelings of worry or anxiety is massively reassuring and I can’t say that I know many other couples who are quite as open and candid with each other as we are. Then again, I guess you have to be candid when your partner notices the way you look after a couple of chocolate fondants!

So yes, we do have boundaries, but they’re there to keep him safe and strengthen our relationship. It doesn’t mean we don’t have fun. Because we do have a lot of fun.

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